Rabbis and ministers often hear reasons why people don't make it to services. Some clever person wrote the following. If it works, we could triple our attendance!

"To make it possible for everyone to attend this Shabbat, our synagogue is going to have a "No Excuse Shabbat."

Cots and hammocks will be placed in the aisle for those who say: Friday night after work, I just crash; or Saturday is my only day to sleep in.

Eye drops and extra coffee will be provided for those with tired eyes from watching TV or partying until late at night.

There will be a special section with padded recliner chairs for those who feel that our seats are too hard.

Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who feel ill.

We will have steel hard hats and fire retardant suits available for those who say:
The roof would cave in if I ever came to synagogue.
Or
I would spontaneously combust if I ever set foot into a synagogue.

One section will be decorated with trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.

Scorecards and pens will be provided for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.

Blankets will be furnished for those who say the synagogue is too cold and portable fans for those who say it is too hot.

Our worship team will play a variety of musical accompaniments for those who feel that the music is too dull or that the contemporary service is too contemporary or not contemporary enough.

And finally, the sanctuary will be decorated with the High Holy Day white Torah covers and pulpit cover for those who have never seen the synagogue without them.

See you on Shabbat, No Excuses!"